How To Make Sure Your Church Is Boring!
- The Bible is NOT boring—the teachings of God’s Word are more relevant and exciting that anything on the planet.
- Jesus was NOT boring – to see His life lived out in the Scriptures AND to see WHO HE IS should inspire AWE, not apathy!
- Our message is NOT boring – Jesus was DEAD, came BACK TO LIFE and offers us the same opportunity, to cross over from death to life and be reconciled to God—THAT’S FREAKIN AWESOME!!!
- The Book of Acts is NOT boring – there is NOWHERE in the book of Acts that ritual replaced relationship!
If the tomb is empty, Jesus is alive and HOPE is possible then HIS church should reflect that.
BUT…if you want to make sure your church is boring, here are Eight Simple Steps…
#1 – There has GOT to be apathetic leadership – Seriously, the leaders in the church MUST be obsessed with not rocking the boat and pursuing personal comfort!
#2 – There CANNOT be a desire to reach people far from God! Seriously, new birth can bring excitement to a church, which is NOT what people in pursuit of boredom desire. SO…don’t focus on the Gospel…instead teach lots of history lessons and talk about things that very few people actually care about. This will keep people far from God away from your group of people, thus not messing up the chemistry in your holy huddle. WHATEVER you do…DO NOT talk about the Gospel…it changes people!!!
#3 – DO NOT call for ANY type of commitment from ANYONE—EVER! People MUST be allowed to come and go as they please…and must NEVER be made to feel uncomfortable under any type of circumstances. If people begin responding to God it will increase the excitement level, which cannot happen in a boring place.
#4 – Always be predictable. Do the same songs at the same times, pray the same prayers and make SURE that people can look at their watch at any point in the service and know exactly what’s coming next.
#5 – Make excuses when things are done poorly! WHATEVER you do…do NOT address the obvious issues that are right under your nose. In fact, if you will simply criticize any church or ministry that IS seeing success it will take the attention off of your dysfunction and allow you to maintain the current state of your church.
#6 – PLEASE make sure not to make ANY type of references to culture in your church services. If you want to have a boring church then you’ve GOT to make people believe that the lives they live Monday through Saturday and then the life they live on Sunday are two separate things. You cannot teach that Scripture speaks to culture…because if people begin making that connection then they will begin to experience what Jesus promised in John 10:10!
#7 – You’ve GOT to allow people to pretend that their lives are perfect! Seriously, if someone has a problem then you must either put them out of your church OR tell them to act as if they are perfect. If people begin to bring their junk to your church and Jesus begins to help them work through it and they get delivered from it…your church cannot maintain its boring status.
#8 – You MUST focus on the external and NOT the internal. Make the way people dress the MOST important issue…and the way they LIVE a non-issue!!!